Porcelain Heart.

Something in me was dying.
Aug 31, 2006

finally. a break. actually not really. but at least i can still manage my time like how i want it to be. rather than go through the routine of waking up at 6 every morning. grr.

anyway. teachers' day celebrations today. batch07, the skit rocked! : D. darn. we thought the skit wasn't funny enough. but in the end the audience's response was really really good. : ). i fumbled when i was saying my first line though. i was like. im the ge-geography teacher. heh.

went back to st nicks after celebrations. they already ended school by then. but still met a few of the 6j people. : ). ate lunch from the orange bowl stall. i swear st nicks food beats the one in rgs by 99999999999 times man.

went home. then went for training.

now im having pretty bad muscle aches. ><. i think the musclepower77 is pretty nice to use. grah. why did i have to keep sticking to the other racket. i won _ in one game today. quite surprised actually. cause i expected myself to get thrashed really badly. since i haven't trained for 5 weeks or so and my lobbing and footwork were crap for the past 3 trainings. anyhow, i had a few tyco shots. hehe.

so now im back. gotta start chionging pts if i want to have time for stuff other than work work work. : D.

and blah. im falling sick. darn flu. ):. i can't breathe properly. and i sound flat when i sing. ><. ewww.

8:51 PM

Why can't we say what we're thinking of?
Aug 28, 2006

sheesh. i feel so noob.

i was playing with my name tag during bio lesson today. cause i was rather bored la. then i was jabbing holes in this piece of cardboard.

so i was happily jabbing holes in that cardboard. and i accidentally pierced the surface of my finger skin through with the name tag. haha. gjgj crystal.

wah lao. so i was staring at the sight of a needle pierced through my finger skin. and then i was thinking,"eh. actually if the needle can pierce through my finger skin. that means im not very thick skin la. haha."

i can't believe i actually thought of such bullshit at that situation.

and then it started to hurt so i pulled the needle out. -.-". and the blood oozed out from the cut like nobody's business. crap. and then there was this tiny blob of red on the skin surface. and i was thinking,"haha. this looks like water tension. oh, maybe not. it's like. blood tension."

graaaah. should stop thinking of this kind of crap. hehh. currently i feel rather nonchalant towards everything. maybe the 3rd year in rg has finally caused my mind to be sapped away of emotion. cause of all the hectic schedules and lost sleep.

zombie-fied.

I miss the part,
when we were moving forward now
On our way down
But maybe someday,
I'll be something more than love
Just know I'll never tell

And when you're on your way down
Through the clouds
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

I'm missing parts,
now that you've told me everything
On our way down
And I was blessed,
and I've forgotten how to love
You said you'd never tell

And when you're on your way down
Through the clouds
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

Not even I will tell,

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
We say these things to know they're real.

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the one's we've loved
We speak in different voices
We speak in different voices

To know they're real. Real.
I'll never tell.

voices ;
saosin.

i don't want tomorrow to come. yet it always comes and goes. i don't want thursday to come. yet i want to breeze through it as quick as possible. sheesh. i don't want to performmmmmmmmm. i dislike being noticed or in attention. arghhhh.

9:13 PM

Aug 25, 2006

hoho. i'm not reading for isp mass anymore.

apparently uncle henry called another person to do the readings cause i didn't reply his message to confirm that im reading. not that i didn't reply on purpose la! i just thought it was an sms you dont need to reply. cause it goes like. "hi crystal. you have been selected to do the readings for isp mass...". and it doesn't go like. "hi crystal. do you want to do the readings for isp mass..."

harhar. : /.

anyway. very very tired today. and im still sleeping so late. i just wasted another day. today and yesterday and wednesday. arghh. shit la. could have done sooo much.

i don't know what's happening. or could it just be that i am too oversensitive?

11:48 PM

Aug 24, 2006

aw man. i just snacked. lol.

half a tube of pringles somemore! omgg. ><.

tastes good, feels bad. graaaaah.

i feel my throat getting sore. and im getting ulcers already. : /.

noo. gotta stop snacking. : |.

10:12 PM

that look was priceless; don't let me get carried away.

started the day off pretty badly. was feeling sulky for the entire morning. : /.

today was horrible.

5 blocks of science lessons. like wow. im think im seriously really incorrigible at lab practicals. we were heating solids for chem today. and then i was using the spatula to scoop the calcium carbonate thingy into the test tube. and i accidentally dropped the whole lot on the worksheet. -.-. SOOOOOOOO. i decided to put it back into the container. and mr lau caught me. -________________-". he said i might have contaminated the entire container of calcium carbonate. i should have been more careful. and pour the stuff when he wasn't looking la. haha.

training after school today. : ). one thing i realise. is that days when there are no trainings, i feel free but empty. and when there's training, i feel tight on time yet glad to live the day. grah. i think i better stop slacking and be more serious. : ).

aaaaaaaand. i got notified today that im supposed to do the readings for the isp mass on saturday. walao. feels a bit strange. i don't want to reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. ) :.

and im so sick of studying and tiring myself out because of school. arghhh. sigh. expectations of society. : |.

i need someone to ban me from the computer. but i want my music. ><.

9:30 PM

unfinished; i'll wither away.
Aug 23, 2006

english orals are finally over!

not that fantastic. cause i was fumbling at the question and answer section.

nevertheless, i can stop my speak good english campaign. xD

now i'm left with history pt, ss pt, physics pt, and chem pt which will be given out next week.

graaah. i still have an exposition essay next week.

and not to mention that teachers day performance is next week as well. ><.

anyway. happy birthday pingfang and jasmine!

holding my last breath,
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you.
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight.

i don't know whether i can do this.

7:55 PM

don't say i'm the one you want to lose.
Aug 22, 2006

school today was rather boring. pretty much the usual i guess.

graaaah. got notified rather last minute that batch07 is involved in the teacher's day celebrations performance?! ARGHH. it's a nice thing to do. but i feel rather. malu. sighhh. after the september holiday break, im going to shut myself in the classroom and forget about showing my face for another. 2 weeks? graaaaah.

and im starting to detest a certain subject which i loved like crazy since sec 1.

YOU. killed my interest. thanks a lot.

thanks for hinting that i'm not attentive in class. when i don't even talk all the time. excuse me, look all around you. other people are talking as well.

even if you're biased against me, so be it. don't drag my friend into it.

and even when you're not making it obvious how you dislike me, i can sense it. and it's bad enough if anyone has a slight tinge of that sense.

and now i don't feel like putting in effort into the pt. in sec1 and 2 i spent a hell lot of time and effort doing the pt.

thanks a lot. GJ. Well done.

okay whatever. i just spit out the angst i felt today. and probably what i would feel for the rest of the year.

on the brighter side, training today. finally. very very very very very rusty though. my smashes were like chops. and my footwork was cranky. and i felt so tired after a while only. graaah. at least i actually managed to finish the physical exercise without stopping. i thought i would slack if not i would die la. heh.

english orals tomorrow. getting slightly jittery. but i pray that it would be over soon. SOON. argh. im afraid i'll screw up the question and answer part.

pingfang's birthday tomorrow, jasmine's birthday tomorrow. and yours, tomorrow.

damn. much as i want to not be so emo or jaded or angsty. there just seems to be too much for me to take.

i just. prefer to get in out of my mind and chuck it into this space over here. and i wouldn't think about it when im outside the virtual world.

so far away. i'm gone.

11:04 PM

anywhere is better than here; away from you.
Aug 20, 2006

i intended to wake up at 8.30 yesterday. but i guess i overslept till 11am.

friday lessons were boringggg. i kept looking at the clock and time was crawling. so anyway. after school, me peiting and qiuping went to jack's place to eat lunch. the place is seriously pretty cool. and the food is more affordable and nicer than swensens. tsk.

then we went to buy jasmine and pingfang's birthday presents. : D. and off to kap we went to mug. graaah. i didn't do much. didn't even know how to do the math and science ws. got so frustrated i just stoned around. blah.

so we talked and all. till about 8. then went to the bus stop. graaah. i feel so noob. the darn 52 actually zoomed past the stop and i ran like. 5 steps to chase it. but got daoed. grrr. nvm. i was in a good mood. so i think it was funny. : D.

so i got home. and some time later. my dad and bro had this. major quarrel thingy. i actually intended to sleep at 10.30. and then my brother was throwing stuff around. so i decided to help him cool off a bit. went downstairs to chill out. bought this alcohol thingy to drink. and talked.

seriously life at home can be really really frustrating. for one thing, nothing positive ever really comes out of my dad's mouth. and after all the shit and crap you face in the medical centre for my brother, you come home to relax. my parents are definitely not listeners. like you talk to them about your day. and they bloody don't listen. they make it so darn obvious somemore. and in the end you feel so dejected. and as time goes by, you don't talk to them anymore.

so. since you don't have anyone to confide your frustrations to, you turn to something else to relax. in this case, the internet.

my dad cleverly disabled the wireless internet. and my brother got so annoyed and pissed. i mean. if i were him i would feel the same. we share the exact same sentiments and i guess that's why we're so darn close.

sometimes i really felt that i'm talking to myself at home. so much so that i don't even talk anymore. thank God for my brother and friends. : ).

so i woke up pretty late yesterday. lunch was only me and my brother. dad asked us to go along, but we said no. it's like. he can just pretend that nothing happened? wtf. nvm. we didn't feel like talking to him anyway. damn. it felt like an open protest. and my mum even sided with us.

screw it la.

oh. and i got so annoyed by the wireless internet/blogger that i couldn't post. so i got a client. blogger clients are retarded. i think i downloaded a whole load of them. and each of them annoy me in various ways. i'll stick with bleezer and chronicle lite for now. using 2 clients so that one client can cover up for what the other client lacks. haha. the advertising thing for bleezer at the bottom of the post is really ______ though.

3 days. and it better be over.

1:24 PM

Holding back, now and forever.
Aug 17, 2006

i desperately need a break. darn tired. i shouldn't sleep in class. im already starting to fall pretty behind for some subjects. especially the sciences and math. graah.

but wth. no break. no break. this week is dedicated to chinese pt and english speech. next week is dedicated to english orals. and after orals on wednesday, its time to start to chiong the other pt shits.

ss, history, physics, chemistry.

sian. about one month for 4 crap pts. 1 week for 1 pt. i shall not type so much here. or i'll probably get into deep shit.

home econs after school on thursday officially ends today! (unless i have to make up for that session i ponteng 2 weeks ago. harhar.) training starts again next week. joy. : ).

blogger/wireless internet has been annoying me. cause it refuses to publish my posts. well. so on saturday i went to planetshaker's concert after mass. and sunday was spent mainly rotting at home. gjgj. oh. and i screwed up physics spa yesterday. like freak. my card had a negative mass. har har har.

i wanna get my new mp3 and new court shoes soon. but i don't have time to. graaaaaaaaah.

its 6 days to your day. i swear it will be the day.

6:40 PM

this is what we're up against.
Aug 10, 2006

omggg.

i absolutely HATE graphs.

i just spent 2 hours. plotting a grand total of 2 graphs. GJGJ.

dammit laaaa. ><

5:29 PM

i know you didn't mean it.
Aug 9, 2006

national day celebrations today. :]. had to wake up freaking early and reached school freaking early too. i guess our dance wasn't as good as the rehearsals, but overall we all enjoyed ourselves. and that's good. :].

went out with elaine, qiuping, peiting, yunting, olly and jolene after that. :]. saw a few st nicks peeps and church friends around as well. :]. we ate a lot and a lot. ate chocolate fondue at this maestro bistro ice cream place after our lunch at kobayashi. and it was darn darn messy. :X.

we went to watch lake house after that. it has a really complicated plot. and i couldn't really get what the whole movie was about at the end. and i just realised that i'm really really logical. i MUST comprehen the movie logically.

okay. just now i typed a whole load of paragraphs of shit about the movie. and bloody blogger deleted it. ><. anyway. i realised that http://www.themoviespoiler.com has roughly the stuff i typed previously. it's rather vague at some points, cause there wasn't any further explanation at some parts. and it's very very confusing for those who haven't seen the movie i suppose.

SOOOO. basically. it's a great movie. i actually didn't sleep through it, considering that it's a romance which is not my cup of tea. though the plot is kind of confusing. a lot and a lot of effort has been put into the plot, and it is darn cool if you are able to understand it.

i actually spent most of my time after the movie trying to fit bits and pieces of the movie together and trying to understand what the movie was all about.

reached home when it was near 10.

the rest of this week will be holidays. doesn't feel like one though. gotta chiong pts again. plus random homework. thankfully the wireless internet just got installed today. and my bro doesn't have to sacrifice WOW for my work. :D.

ohh. peiting and jolene insist that i should stop being bloody emo in my blog. so i must flood my posts with smiley faces and exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]! :]!
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haha! xD

6:35 PM

this all was only wishful thinking.
Aug 6, 2006

Your lipstick his collar don't bother angel,
I know exactly what goes on.

When everything you'll get is,
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer,
My finger on the trigger, or,
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Me face down, down across your floor.
(Me face down, down across your floor.)
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin.
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go...

Don't bother trying to explain Angel,
I know exactly what goes on, when you're on and,
How about I'm outside of your window?
(How about I'm outside of your window?)
Watchin' him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker, (You're such a sucker.)
For a sweet talker.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
(The only thing I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.)

And will you tell all your friends,
you've got your gun to my head?
This all was only wishful thinkin'.
This all was only wishful thinkin'.

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
(Why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens.
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know...

And all of this was all your fault.
And all of this....

(I stay jealous.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
(She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason,
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.

cute without the 'e' ;

taking back sunday

what's wrong with everything.

not a single day seems to be going smoothly.

and great. i just lost $50+ bucks today.

everything is a screw up.

12:14 AM

just forget the world.
Aug 3, 2006

im damnnnnn tired.

when to school today and my first reaction was: i want to go home.

siaaaan. hell lots of pts at once.

history, ss, chinese, physics, chemistry.

like wth.

not to mention that they are all individual work.

and we have to prepare a speech for english orals in week 9 and 10. freaaak.

and im bursting blood vessels due to all that stress.

haha. okay. maybe that's not possible. but the strange thing is that the bruise suddenly appeared out of nowhere. :l.

tireddddddddddd.

im seriously sleep deprived. i need to like. lapse into a coma.

5:42 PM

i miss you so far.
Aug 2, 2006

i had chinese compo today. and history right after that.

and my right forearm actually cramped up for 5 seconds after the history test. wth. it was like non stop quick writing. not to mention i was trying hard to write really really neatly.

ouch.

school is a bitch. really. almost no more weekends again. greaaat.

i wanna go out! X(

7:49 PM

when the hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away.
Aug 1, 2006

i am convinced that i have no more motivation to study anymore.

maybe it's the mood i'm in.

you've got to get better, I said, it's all in your head

we could live through these letters or forget it altogether

see the months they dont matter its the days i can't take

when the hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away

just ask the question come untie the knot

say you won't care, say you won't care,

retrace the steps, as if we forgot,

say you won't care, say you won't care,

you try to avoid it, but there's not a doubt

and there's one thing i can do nothing about

when all that we need is just a reaction

its too much to ask for

when there's no attraction anymore,

chasing our dreams is just a distraction

i want to remember what i know

that i can't go back

just ask the question, come untie the knot

say you wont care

retrace the steps as if we forgot

say you wont care

you try to avoid it

but theres not a doubt

and theres one thing i can do nothing

theres one thing i can do nothing

theres one thing i can do nothing about

new american classic ;

taking back sunday

i really hate myself sometimes.

10:46 PM

please don't go crazy if i tell you the truth.

i hate this.

school simply sucks.

everyday i go to school. hoping for the time to pass more quickly. and nearing the end of every lesson, i actually pray that no homework will be given out.

freak la. this is really really shitty. all my weekends are filled up with school-related stuff. the only thing which is keeping me sane are fridays, saturdays and sundays when i get to hang out with my friends.

bahhh. forced to skip training today. again. had ndp dance rehearsals. blah. i think we're really messy but honestly i'm not really bothered too much about it. and this whole thing is like. for fun. i really hope it doesn't turn out as something so competitive..

oh. and i love 312's dance! it's really cute and creative! : D.

sheesh. and i can't make it for choir this saturday. but i probably will turn up for the night practice. : D.

okay. i shall try not to procrastinate so much. darn history and chinese tests tomorrow.

graaaaaaaaah.

it's 1/8/06. and i realise. how time really flies.

6:58 PM